#sorry i forgot jocelyn in one of them

[caecaesclubhouse]

I like to think I'm funny: Bob's Burgers edition

[helenofblackthorns]

Just read the first TLKOF chapter…. I cannot wait 2 years that’s literally torture!!!! This all reminds me of the terrible stretch between LOS and QOAAD

Some smaller things I noted that I haven’t seen other people mention:

- The man calling for Ash was probably Janus?

- I love Luke so much I’m so happy we see him and Jocelyn again

- I know Faerie time works differently but is there a possibility she spent more time with Ash but forgot the rest?

- Ash doesn’t have any marks? I swear I thought he did but Dru didn’t notice any and I guess it makes sense he never got marked because they stopped working in Thule

- Dru dyes her hair black and has it short but all the official art has her with longer brown hair and blue streak (maybe she had that in the past idk)

- I know CC said that one of the first scenes would be Dru and Thais watching Simon’s band play at the pandemonium- i wonder if that’s still going to be the case? Either that’s in the prologue but I feel like the prologue would also end with a cliffhanger and I doubt both the prologue and chapter 1 would have big cliffhangers. But would the band scene come after this? How do you recover from being missing for 3 days and then going to an all-ages club in new york? OH WAIT I think Julian and Emma are supposed to be there too so maybe that’s why they’re all in New York? Maybe they go to the institute to research and end up joining the TMI gang?

Sorry I started rambling at the end there

yeah the wait is going to be INTENSE but we will have things like better in black to tide us over so hopefully that will be enough

yes I assumed it was Janus too! especially given Ash's reaction

Luke & Jocelyn being included so early on so was shocking even tho I knew they would play a role in the book given Ash. I'm excited to see more of them & see scenes like them meeting Ash for the first time!!

I have no idea what is going on with Dru but it's clearly something is. idk if she spent more time with Ash but something is up with her & faerie.

maybe he's hiding his marks?? I can't imagine they would go over super well in the courts so they're all easily concealable with clothing. I wonder if he has a voyance rune if that's the case??

I thought maybe she dyes the streaks later on in book?? also it like just occurred that there might be a time jump and that could explain it too. bc I think this chapter was actually the prologue so maybe that's how they end up in NYC??

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 1 part four continued

100. Magnus: you’re lucky you’re cute

101. it’s not like Alexander took hours working up the courage??????? Alec: I had to learn how to apologize so no big deal darling

102. Malecs first fight handled

I love seeing the emotion in both of their expressions from how hurt Magnus is, Alec realizing how his actions and words affected Magnus, and overcoming all of that while they have a discussion about it

103. I’m in awe of how they handled it. I watched the show first but when I read the books, this is how I wanted their relationship to be in the books. sadly we didn’t get that but at least the show committed and brought us this Malec. I couldn’t believe how toxic and unbearable Malec book version is after all those ugh book fans said it’s better. yeah, because they weren’t the main focus. show Malec always has my heart

104. I love how this little scene was improvised because Harry was trying to get Matt to smile

105. THIS IS THE SMILE WE LOVE

106. also can we talk about how Alec apologized twice but this is the time where he finally hears what Magnus is saying and he’s comprehending that. IM SORRY I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

107. real talk- show Malec gets shit done. another one of my fav parallels coming up:

108. also on a real note, is there any parallel that I don’t love? (JUST THAT ONE THAT MAKES ME EMOTIONAL and maybe some know which one I’m talking about that hits season three)

109. and we shouldn’t be too hard on Alec because this is his very first relationship and he’s doing so well so far 👏🏼

110. Simon: it’s nice when that arrogant self conceited shadowhunter dick isn’t here

111. okay they actually look happy here

112. I think they’re nice together but I still believe Simon loves clary more than she loves Simon. because would she be around Simon if jace was a choice? would she chose Simon if jace was a choice?

113. might be the only time I approve of Jocelyn

114. this was on my last discussion post but I found the gif and that’s my reaction to listening to shadowhunters being hypocrites and dumb

115. well hello Alec

116. forgot to post this one also. ALEC JUST DECIMATING EVERYONE

117. Magnus: what the fuck, I just started

118. it’s a good thing alec has a powerful warlock on standby

119. but are we supposed to watch the Valentine and jace stuff and think jace is actually better and not turning onto Valentine? because 1. he cuts Hodges hand off, 2. he joins Valentine and then when he has a chance to surrender himself, 3. he joins Valentine once again. Alec is going to be fighting for his fucking life for the consequences of jace’s actions. and this is what I mean, alec is always paying for his choices. I JUST WISH ALEC WOULD HAVE CUT HIM OFF FOR REAL (fantasy version of mine- alec cuts him off for real and Alec and Magnus and Izzy are so happy)

120. well this is awkward (posting Jocelyn one again because it’s nice to see someone trying to end jace, I appreciate the effort)

121. don’t you hate it when you go and kill some downworlders and your sister/want to be girlfriend and mom/not mom sees??????

122. aldertree: I don’t trust y’all to find jace so I got this and also keep them here

123. forgot to post this too. I love seeing clary’s “I think I know I’m better than you” irritating ass get handled by Alec in season one and now Izzy

124. Simon: im a lot faster so thank me

125. also note that instead of staying and returning to the institute, jace goes with Valentine. he has once again chosen to go with Valentine. so I don’t care what anyone says but he deserved to be arrested for all the shit he pulled PLUS PUT ALEC THROUGH. Alec has almost died twice by trying to safe jace so far. everything that has happened since episode 13 of season 1- jace is 100% to blame.

125 is the number and that is it for season 2, episode 1 🥰 thank you for joining malecs first official fight discussion post and we still hate jace and clary debate 👏🏼 I’ll be doing the second one probably in a couple of days give or take. but thank you anyone who endures my posts and me ✨

[bytheangell]

I Polish Up Real Nice

(Read on AO3) 

“What do you mean you aren’t going?” Jocelyn asks, hands on her hips in a defiant stance that reminds Maryse so much of when they were teenagers.

“I mean,” Maryse repeats, slowly and with emphasis even though Jocelyn heard her just fine the first time. “I’m not going.”

“Just because of-”

“Don’t,” Maryse practically begs. She wants the word to sound stern but it just sounds sad and maybe a little desperate.

Jocelyn frowns. “Come with me.”

“Why, so I can watch the two of them flirt right in front of me again while I stand off to the side alone?” Maryse scoffs.

“Not alone,” Jocelyn clarifies. “With me.”

Jocelyn drops her hands from her hips and reaches them out to hold Maryse’s, taking them gently and giving them a squeeze.

“Come on, Maryse. We’ll laugh, we’ll dance, we’ll show him exactly what he’s missing and remind everyone else exactly who you are,” Jocelyn says, stepping back and dropping Maryse’s left hand, pulling her right arm up above their heads, and guiding Maryse into a little spin.

Maryse catches sight of herself in the mirror as she allows Jocelyn to spin her, and for a moment she sees the light and joy the two of them used to have together. A brief flash of levity, and with it, the hope that maybe Jocelyn is right.

She’s lost her way - she’s lost her shine. For years now she’s allowed Robert to silence and dull her, forming her into the obedient wife he needed by his side.

Jocelyn, taking Maryse’s continued silence as uncertainty, continues trying to convince her. Maryse knows she should stop her, but she doesn’t. It’s nice to hear someone on her side, someone who only wants her to be happy.

“You’ve done everything for him, and you don’t deserve to be the one sidelined. He does. You deserve to be happy again. And if we rub it in his face a little bit in the process, well…” Jocelyn smirks.

Maryse raises an eyebrow. “And you think I’ll be happy again with you?”

“Do you?” Jocelyn echoes, but instead of sounding snarky, she sounds soft. Hopeful. Maybe even a little worried that Maryse will say no.

“I do,” Maryse agrees. “I always have. You have a way of bringing out the best in me, Jocelyn. I’m sorry I forgot that for a while.”

“I’ll forgive you if you let me do your makeup for the gala. And pick out your dress - to match mine, of course. You deserve to shine again and we’re going to light up the whole damn room together.”

“I think I can agree to that,” Maryse says. “I think I have a few gems still hidden in the back of my closet.”

It takes longer than Maryse is used to for her to get ready with Jocelyn, but she sits carefully still through every swipe of eyeshadow and curl of her hair. When Jocelyn is finished with her Maryse can hardly believe her eyes. It isn’t necessarily that she looks prettier than she normally does, but…

“I look like myself again,” she says in awe. Its subtle differences - a shimmer to her eyes and a brighter nail polish and curls that bounce when she moves - all of which remind her of the woman she used to be. The one she’s starting to realize she could be again, with the right person.

With Jocelyn.

“Thank you,” Maryse says, eyes still wide as she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees Jocelyn come up behind her, arms wrapping around her waist.

“Don’t thank me. This is all you,” Jocelyn points out. “Are you ready?”

Maryse nods, leaning back against Jocelyn, leaning into the comfort of her embrace.

“With you by my side? I’m ready for anything.”

[pilotheather]

ok ep 1

the way i was like... unsure if gallifrey was dead or not.

his theme is insane btw. like what is with that. its so good

LETS DO A SILLY ONE A RANDOM ONE HE SAYS

idgaf btw i said that right

idgaf

i mean i think actually my same issues as before still stand i kind of wish there were just more quiet moments in between thats what my issue was before with the other rtd specials like i LIKE how slow the original rtds were

him-

sorry? did she make a star trek re

I WILL SAY. WHENEVER THERES A SOFT RESET THE FUCKING INSANE FUCKING EXPOSITION DROPS EVERY 2 SECONDS KINDA KILL ME.

ok b ack to my point about the speed the pacing genuinely takes me out of it sometimes like help me like the dialogue isnt bad their performances arent either its all good but like ruby has had like several insane WOWWWWWWWWWW moments in 10 minutes with the tardis, with the going back in time, with the seeing the planet- CAN YOU . SLOW DOWN. LIKE DO ONE EPIC THING. BREATHEEEEE. the time in between HELPS man and the score thats just CONSTANT it feels so... im never a fan of it it feels so inorganic

i dont have a job either made me laugh a little sorry

im crying the dorky fucking exposition again ruby. i can do this look. (conects her phone). its so silly

I LOVE HIS FUCKING PERFROAMCNE THOUGH, PLEAAASEE NCUTI IM OBSSESSED

what the fuck is occurring

this is so goofy

this cornball shit

rtd is so funny for doubling down so hard on timeless children.

DOGGO?

THE FUCKING BABIES ARE GENUINELY STARTING TO GIVE ME THE HEEBIE JEEBIES

WHY DID HE DOTRHAT

NAN-E YOU;RE SUCHHH A GOOFBALL

SPACE BABIES

god we need a game do shots for all the cliche expositiony bits

THEYRE EVEN EXPOSITIONING RUBY IF YOU DIDNT FUCKING CATHCH THE CHRISTMAS SPECIALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

YAPPINGGGGG

their fucking trekky outfits

the accountant is kind of a slay

that is an insane abortion line

girlie thats insane.

you dont know. 🤔

eric you fucking mad man

I KNOW JOCELYN IS CUSSING DOWN THIS FUCKING KID ALL THE TIMEEEEE LIKE FUCKKK

THEY KILLED THAT FUCKING BABY?

oh they could have killed that baby

are we sure jocelyn is not trying to fucking kill them

the censoring bit is actually funny as fuck i wont even lie

again with the fucking music can someone HELP ME WE DONT NEED THE FUCKING FANFARE AFTER EVERY SINGLE FUCKING INSTANCE IT JUST DOESNT FEEL. RIGHT. SHUT UP . CAN WE ENJOY THE SCENES PLEASE

ewwwwwww

ITS SNOT its not

i kind of love her drama shes silly

RUBNY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAAAYYYY I LIKE THAT I SHANT LIE

jocelyn is the real one i'd kill that thing with hammers i tell you that thing for free

his insane trauma youre watching a thing of snot deteriorate

JOCELYN IS LIKE NOT LISTENINGGGGG SHE PUT THAT PHONE DOWN SHE WAS LIKE IDGAF DIE

i thought this was like all building up to a sugarbabes thing i wont lie

ARE THEY JSUT GOING TO FUCKING KEEP IT IN THERE

GOD I FORGOT HOW FUCKING DUMB AS SHIT RTD WAS

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ERIC LIKE SOMETHING ABOUT HIS FACE IM SORRY IF THATS LIKE HSI REAL BABY FACE BUT HH

he's so funny

the gorgeous paradox looming above us all does anyone wanna go rewatch fathers day with me

IN THEIR KITCHEN?

[saibug1022]

Revelations

Word Count: 1332

Castor Athantis (ILW MC) x Abel Flint

A/N: I've had this written for a bit and forgot to actually post it on here. Wanted to hop on the It Lives Within angst train that was the Chapter 16 ending (thanks @itlivesproject). As such MASSIVE spoilers for Chapter 16 under the cut.

Castor had never heard the cabin this silent. In the three weeks they'd been living there, there always seemed to be some sort of noise. Connor out back in the shed, Noah in the kitchen, someone in the living room watching TV or reading, everyone laughing at the table, Val's ghost humming outside, Amalia breathing next to them. 

But now it was like the woods itself was holding its breath. Castor stood at the front of the living room, arms folded around themself and with a bruising grip on their upper arms. Their friends sat and stood throughout the room facing Cas and every single one of them was wearing a blank look of shock. Castor had no idea how any of them were feeling because no one would meet their eyes. 

"How can you be sure?" Connor asked, his voice quiet but in the silence, it cracked like a whip. 

"I just am," Castor muttered. "I doubted it at first too, I mean Fake Annie was the one to confirm it and I don't trust her at all. But after what Val said when he was freaking out I figured it out on my own. And once I did it all just…clicked. I just knew it was right, I could feel it."

"So you're not…" Amalia's voice shook and she cleared her throat but it still broke when she spoke again. "You're not Castor?"

"I am but I'm not," Castor sighed. "I am Castor, I have all their memories, I think like them, I feel like them, I look like them obviously. But in the sense of like, having their soul, no. No, I'm not."

"Oh God," Amalia buried her face in her hands and Castor took half a step toward her to comfort her before thinking better of it. "What happened to them then? Are you possessing them?!"

Cas hesitated. They all had the right to know, Amalia better than anyone. But how could they just admit that they'd unknowingly stolen someone's life after they died, leaving no one to grieve them because no one even knew they were gone? How did they justify that?

"Answer the question," Jocelyn snapped and Castor flinched. They dropped their arms but their hands were clenched into fists so tightly they wouldn't be surprised if their nails managed to break the skin. When they answered, they stared firmly at the floor. 

"Castor Athantis is dead," They finally confessed. "I didn't know until now. But they died with the rest of their family."

Amalia finally let out a sob and Castor squeezed their eyes shut against tears of their own. She probably hated them now. And who could blame her? They were walking around puppeteering her best friend's corpse. They'd stolen the life the real or first Castor should have been living! They stole Castor’s best friend, their future, their potential for love, their hopes, their dreams, their grief, their memories. 

But even if they weren't Cas they were. They stole those things but it wasn't on purpose! They didn't even know! And now their best friend who may not even really be their friend was sobbing and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it because it was their fault in the fucking first place!

Or was it?

They didn't know! They didn't fucking know who they were anymore! All of this was messy and fucked up and confusing and they just wanted to scream and cry and throw things because none of this was FAIR! They finally start rebuilding a life where they're happy after five years only to learn it was never theirs to rebuild.

They looked up at the sound of footsteps, expecting to see Amalia leaving or approaching or something but instead, the person silently leaving the cabin was…Abel? Castor glanced at Amalia only for her to lean away from them and Castor made a strangled noise from trying to swallow a sob.

"I'm sorry, Amalia," Cas whispered before they turned and left the cabin, with only the hope that they'd be allowed to come back. 

When they got outside they saw Abel standing in the middle of the yard, running his hands through his hair. His shoulders were a tense line, every muscle tight. Castor couldn't see his face but they weren't sure they wanted to. 

Amalia's rejection made it feel like their life was falling apart. Not in an "Oh I might not get into the college I wanted" way, but in the same way they felt, no, the way they remembered the real Castor feeling while their family was being ripped apart. Their entire world shattered around them, leaving only Castor's cyan eye in broken glass. When they had nothing, less than nothing, they still had Amalia. They always had Amalia. And now…they didn't. She was just gone. She'd rejected them.

They couldn't handle Abel rejecting them too. 

"Abel?" Cas prompted quietly and Abel stiffened even further. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Abel admitted. "I don't even know if I can tell you."

"Of course, you can," Castor promised and Abel finally turned to look at them. "I'm still your Cas. You've only known me as me. Everything I've ever told you was real. Everything I feel is real. I-I'm still a person. A person created by the Power, but a person."

"But you aren't just some person the Power gave life to or brought back," Abel argued. "You are the Power. You are literally the Power incarnate. How am I supposed to just suddenly accept that? The Power has been destroying my family's lives for generations. It killed my grandmother, my parents, it almost killed me!"

"Abel-" Castor tried but Abel interrupted them.

"How am I supposed to see anything else when I look at you?"

It was like Castor’s heart stopped beating.

"I'd never hurt you," Castor swore. "Th-that wasn't me, Abel, I swear. The Power isn't sentient it didn't want to hurt your family. It isn't malicious. I-I don't know why exactly it did the things it did but it's a neutral force. And even then I'm just a piece of the Power, not the Power itself. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want it to hurt anybody. I'd never hurt you, Abel, I swear on the Power itself. You have to believe me, please-"

In some sort of desperation, Castor reached for Abel's hands as they had a million times before. It was a safe thing for both of them, something reassuring and warm and loving. It was something so personal to their relationship that was just instinct for Castor to reach for his hands, both to reassure him and to reassure themself. But Abel's hands moved and he took a step back, stopping Castor in their tracks. No. No, please. 

"Abel?" Castor breathed and Abel didn't meet their eyes.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Abel muttered and Castor felt the tears finally spill over.

"Oh," Castor tried to take a breath as their hands fell, returning to fists at their sides.

"I'm sorry, I just can't right now," Abel apologized again and Castor shook their head.

"I understand," They replied. "I think maybe…maybe I should go." 

After all, they had nowhere to be. They couldn't be at the cabin with Amalia. They couldn't go to Abel's apartment and they doubted they could go to Lincoln or Jocelyn's. They didn't have the money for a motel and Westchester Community College didn't have dorms.

So for now, they turned and just started walking in a random direction, following their instincts until they realized they were heading right for the heart of the woods. But maybe that was where they should be. The source of the Power. They didn't belong here, not really. They never did. So, until they were needed, they'd just…go.

"Where are you going to go?" Abel called to them as they reached the tree line. Castor stopped.

"I have no idea," The Anchor answered.

So, with nothing left to say, they returned to the woods.

[bokutoslittlebird]

Awakened

Alpha!Osamu x reader x Alpha!Atsumu

Author’s note : Fantasy AU based on two pieces of fan art of the twins as fox yōkai, but I hope it’s to your liking! ; their names are never directly said to reader-chan, so their names are what they call each other.

Warnings: bullying (brief, not from the twins), naive and innocent reader, knotting, double penetration, backshot, face fucking/blowjob, dubcon/noncon, blood, biting and licking, cunnilingus, creampie

There’s a legend that runs deep in the roots of your village, one that’s told to many and encourages children to stay away from the forest. It was proven effective — no child dared to enter the forest, holding onto that fear into their adult years. The legend revolves around two mischievous fox spirits that would always be in competition. They always had someone who would win, but then a terribly evil spirit came upon the clearing they played in, forcing the two spirits to push differences aside and fight off the evil spirit that entered the territory. It was a combined effort, the two spirits realizing they worked better when they worked together. It taught children that sometimes it was better to ask for help; however, it also taught children that they couldn’t go into the forest. The spirits resides in the forest, protecting the village from evil spirits as a combined task and if anyone dared trespass in their forest, then destruction would come to the village.

It was a legend some teenagers dared to challenge, entering the forest and coming out, saying “nothing bad happened to them!” but then their luck would turn sour sometimes. It always put things in perspective, seeing them suddenly fall into a mud puddle after entering the forest, or having their pants suddenly fall. It made people laugh, but it really made you feel like the forest was alive and watching. You never dared to go near the forest. At least, not until your pride was at stake.

“Go get a stupid stick, [Y/N]!” Jocelyn sneered, her eyes narrowed. Her arms were crossed and she was tired to repeating herself. You were dared to go into the forest, get a stick to bring back for proof, and you would no longer be a coward. It was simple in words, but not so simple in action. You feared the bad things that happened after people entered the forest, but you were considered a coward for those beliefs. “You’re just a big, dumb baby!”

“No I’m not!” You shouted back, puffing your cheeks. You let out a heavy breath and turned to the brown and green image of the forest. They wouldn’t be able to see you enter the forest, but they just needed a stick as proof. Sucking up the courage to go, your legs moved towards the foliage. You could hear the other girls’ jeers as your pace slowed, the forest closer than you had ever dared to let it. The forest itself looked peaceful, but the legend of the spirits scared you, halting your footsteps. Instead of going in, you were going to pick up a stick on the outskirts, but there was no stick. Nothing but grass lay before you, the shadows of the trees outlining what was the forest and what was not. There was a stick you could see, the light seeping through the leaves illuminating it as if you were on a quest to get — well, you kind of were.

Sucking up any inhibitions you had, you entered the forest. Picking up the stick, you noticed a lack of any other stick lying in the fallen leaves. Clutching the stick to your chest, you turn to go when you find a small piece of cloth, hidden in the leaves. You pick it up, looking at the designs and feeling how soft and silky it was. It was a robe that your ancestors adorned, but the fabric told you it was either brand new or kept in pristine condition. With it in your hands, you found yourself turning to flee once again. The howling of the wind sent your legs running out of the forest and up the hill, as fast as you could. If you had listened closer, you would have heard the howl of a beast as you fled.

Deeper into the forest, a pair of eyes watched as you obtained the stick and plucked the ceremonial robe from the earth he presented to you. When you chose it and fled, he smiled. His eyes turned from your retreating figure and moved to leap from the tree he perched himself on. As his body was that of a grey fox, he was much better at hiding than if he was in his more human form. Transitioning between into his human form, he smiles once more, a finger on his chin.

“What to offer her next, I wonder?” He ponders aloud, with only the wind around to hear him and carry his voice.

Your lungs are burning as you arrive back at the little picnic you were attending, the girls giggling as you finally come back. “Did ya see a ghost or somethin’?” Akira asks. You’re heaving as you present the stick, perfectly in tact and big enough to feed a fire. Everyone’s cheers are perceived as mocking to you, as you move on. The picnic is no longer something you want to attend, instead preferring to take a bath and sleep. With your worries placed on the forest and the spirits within, you find yourself wondering if you’ll be able to sleep or shall an entity come and judge you for trespassing.

The next day, you find your gaze drawn to the forest, as if it calls you down. Ignoring the calls are hard, you legs involuntarily moving as you think. On the edge of the forest, you see inside to find a small temari ball. It looks as if a young child once played with it, as you get closer to the object. Looking around the forest, you expect to see a child lost or crying, but you find nothing. With the lack of an owner, you decide to leave the ball. Turning to leave, you reprimand yourself for entering the forest again.

The sound of leaves rustling has you swiveling around, almost falling over when you realize the temari is following you. Moving back, it continues to follow you. A quick glance around proves that no one else is around, so you pick up the temari. As you did yesterday, you flew out of the forest and hope you didn’t take a malevolent being’s toy.

Another pair of eyes watch as you flee, his temari offering close to your chest. A wickedly mischievous grin spreads upon his lips, his form emerging from the shadows where he was hidden. With sharp canines peeking from his smile, warm brown eyes look to the path you had just taken. “I’m glad she likes her present. I can’t wait for what tomorrow will bring,” he chuckles, moving further into the forest. With each step he takes, a thick fog permeates the forest floor, providing a barrier past the stream.

You don’t know what it is. The growing urge to enter the forest gets stronger as the day continues on, the urge barely quenched upon nightfall. Even in your bed chambers, you find yourself looking through your open window, into the forest. Mist seeps from the greenery, an ominous feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. A howl from the forest startles you, eyes finding the gaze reflecting back at you. As you hold the gaze, feeling yourself rooted in place, another set of eyes joins. You shut the window, deciding to never go back to the forest.

When morning comes, the feeling of needing to go to the forest is even stronger. Feeling ill from the image of last night, you decide to stay home for the day. When a knock comes to your door, you assume it to be the milk delivery. Upon opening the door, your eyes widen at the two boys on your doorstep.

“Can you go get my ball?” The first one says, a bright smile on his face. The one currently sniffling nods in agreement. They look like twins, not that you’d recognize them.

“I didn’t mean to kick it so hard, please don’t tell my dad!” He cries out, holding onto his brother. You smile warmly at him, getting to eye level. Running your hand through his hair, his sniffles lessen.

“I won’t tell anyone, you’re fine. I’ll be right back,” you smile at him, wiping his tears. You shut the door, telling them to stay put as you go searching for the ball. As you look around, you become confused. Where is the ball? Moving further along your backyard, you hear a hushed whisper from the forest, wide eyes turning to sound. With an apology already on your lips, you turn to enter your house when you find yourself unable to move. As if an invisible barrier prevents you from progressing towards your house — which seems proven true as you inch towards the forest and suddenly cannot go back to where you were. With the unsettling pit in your stomach, you enter the forest once more.

Entering, you find the mist from before still evident, yet it parts for you. Curiosity sets in as you are further urged into the forest, stopping as you hear water trickling. A stream lays in front of you, waters more calm than your heart beat. You inhale, deciding to risk it as you wade through the stream. The water seeps into your shoes, the bottom of your dress becoming saturated. Progressing further into the mist, now a heavy fog, you find a large temple inside. It’s stable and perfectly standing, as if it isn’t centuries old. The two erected statues tell you the temple belongs to the spirits of the legend, finding a chill run through your blood as you realize your situation. Before you step foot onto the stairs, you turn to leave but are halted.

“Where do you think yer goin’?” A rough voice speaks. You whip around to see a tall, but handsome man. The hair is a dark grey color, eyes to match. What stuns you is the pair of grey fox ears, a tail that matches in color swishing behind him. His clothes remind you of the robe you found amongst the leaves.

“I-I’m terribly sorry, really!” You begin to plea, pulling on your wrist. “I-I didn’t mean to- to trespass!”

“What’d’ya mean? This is your home, y’know?” He seems genuinely confused, another stun to your body as his words settle. Home? This temple? Before you can refute him, another voice joins in.

“Ah, ‘Samu, I told ya humans are different. They don’t know the offering ritual, but I made sure to get our offerings. Our silly little human forgot about them,” he chuckles, looking at you. With the robe you found on one arm, the temari in his hand. “This was my offering, you know,” he gestures to the ball. “A precious item to me, it is. I’m glad you took care of it and cleaned it up. What a perfect little wife you’ll make,” his grin makes his words more sinister than they originally were. Fear spikes through your veins, your limbs suddenly shaking as you feel your legs give out. The one dubbed ‘Samu catches you, holding you bridal style as you find yourself hesitant to hold onto his robes.

“‘Tsumu, y’know I’m not watching humans like you do. That’s weird,” he cringes, nose scrunching up in disgust. ‘Tsumu seemed to get ticked off at that, growling. Only then did you notice how animal-like the both of them were, sporting fox ears and a tail to match. While ‘Samu had dark grey, ‘Tsumu spotted a saturated yellow hair color and slightly lighter ears and tail. So caught up in the view, you didn’t notice that the brothers has started walking, heading towards the temple.

“W-Wait, I can’t go with you! I’m— I’m not who you’re looking for!” Sputtering out the first things to pop into your mind, the two don’t stop.

“Of course yer who we’re looking for! You’re meant for us, meant to know your place with us. After all, why else would enter our domain, smelling so delicious as you do?”

“Smell— what?”

“‘Tsumu, stop bein’ cryptic. He’s saying you entered the forest during your heat cycle,”

“Well, ovulation in humans. Apparently, they’re not like us special spirits,”

“You’re ready for us, we can smell it. You’ll be the perfect mate for us to breed,” although ‘Samu seemed uninterested, you could feel how his chest seemed to heave as he inhaled deeply. The growling accompanying his final word sent slick between your folds as you held onto him close, afraid of falling.

Arriving at the top of the temple, you saw a cot that has been lain out, the soft cushioning big enough for the three of you. The sight of it had your brain going into overdrive, panicking as you attempted to leave ‘Samu’s arms. He complied, but his hands stayed firmly on your hips. “Time to get dressed,”

Before you could ask for an explanation, your clothes were practically torn off of you. Blood spilled onto your ripped dress, your side burning from where the claws caught you. The shreds fell to the temple floor, your hands flying to cover the exposed skin. While one hand covered the area between your legs, your arm held your breasts close to your chest. ‘Samu clicked his tongue, easily removing your hands from your body while ‘Tsumu slid on the robe, his claws lightly grazing your skin. He didn’t hide the fact he was admiring the view, either, his dark eyes gazing over each inch of skin you presented to him. Once the robe was on, you were released from ‘Samu’s hold, left to cover yourself up with the fabric. You’d deny it aloud, but the robe fit you perfectly.

“You’re gorgeous,” ‘Tsumu growled, shedding his own robe. Your hands came in front of you, hoping to somehow deter him when ‘Samu brought you backwards, to the cot presented. ‘Tsumu wasn’t far behind, dropping to his knees while you lay against the cot. It was softer than expected, more plush than it looks. ‘Samu had stripped of his own clothes, his robe hanging loosely on him by the ribbon around his waist. ‘Tsumu was different, his robe open and letting you see every inch of skin, but his arms still through the sleeves as if he was cold.

“I don’t—“ you began, your words interrupted by ‘Samu’s lips on yours, his tongue brushing against your closed lips as he deepened the kiss. ‘Tsumu’s touches had begun to litter your thighs, spreading your legs as he inhaled deeply. A finger touching your entrance had you jumping, only to be held firmly down by ‘Samu’s hands.

“You’re so wet, it’s hard to hold back,” ‘Tsumu growls out, his tongue lapping at your folds. You squirm and make a noise of displeasure, but ‘Samu is there to keep your focus on his lips and kisses. The more he kisses you, the hotter your body gets and the more you feel your resistance melt away. ‘Tsumu has his face between your thighs, licking and sucking on your clit, claws digging into the skin. It has you clenching around nothing, the hot pleasure from his tongue and burning sensation on your thighs. It isn’t until he removes himself from between your legs do you feel relaxed and at ease, as if your body is jelly. Your resistance is no more, a small whine coming from you when ‘Samu and ‘Tsumu remove themselves to admire their handiwork.

It’s a sudden change, the relaxing touches and breathless kisses are gone, replaced by the feverish touches of both men as they paw and scratch at your skin, ‘Samu’s teeth sinking into hot skin and lapping at the blood while ‘Tsumu presses less destructive kisses to your neck. With the air much too hot for your liking, a breathless moan leaves your lips when ‘Tsumu pulls your head back by your hair, spitting into your mouth and then kissing you. With his tongue tracing your teeth and his growls being swallowed up by your mouth, you’re oblivious to ‘Samu. With his cock in one hand, he kneads your thigh with his other hand as he rubs along your folds.

“‘Tsumu, move off,” ‘Samu growls, pushing the fox spirit off of you, his large frame colliding with the wooden planks of the temple. You find yourself on your hands and knees, ass in the air while the robe is promptly stripped off of you, lain underneath you. ‘Samu licks his lips, lining himself up with you entrance while ‘Tsumu gets his balance back. The first press in has you screaming, but it isn’t just because he’s big. His thickness is something you never expected, but with his calloused hands on your hips, bringing you back into his hips with no regards to adjusting you. A guttural groan comes from ‘Samu, head thrown back as he basks in the pleasure of being buried in your cunt. ‘Tsumu is now back to you, his hard cock in front of your face.

With another rough thrust, one that has you practically bouncing off ‘Samu’s cock, ‘Tsumu has you wrapping your lips around his. You can’t take it all in, that’d be impossible. With a pair of hands on your hips, you’re brought to ‘Samu while the pair of hands tangled in your hair pulls you towards ‘Tsumu. Lips pressed firmly against ‘Tsumu’s cock as your tongue runs under the length, running over the bulging veins and ridges you find. Your eyes are screwed shut, unable to stay open while ‘Samu splits you on his cock, somehow forcing himself deeper and deeper inside of you. It isn’t until you’re finally bouncing flush against him do you feel something strange on his cock. It’s only then do you open your eyes, looking at ‘Tsumu’s cock that has a large bulb at the base of it, growing in size the more you suck on him. Hollowing out you cheeks has ‘Tsumu groaning, claws digging into your scalp as he forces himself down your throat. He doesn’t force the bulb in your throat, thankfully, but he does coat your throat in his cum.

“Your mouth is fucking hot, little human. It’s like you were made to take us,” he breathes out, panting. You’re coughing, feeling Samu’s thrusts speed up as he brings you close to him, but he pulls out at the last moment to spill all over your back.

“With our scent on you, you’ll be stuck by our side until you pass,” ‘Samu is in a similar situation, chest heaving as you’re flipped over. You’re then placed on ‘Tsumu’s lap, his cock rubbing between your folds as he grinds into you. “But we’ll take you together first,”

“So no hard feelings, right ‘Samu?”

“Right, ‘Tsumu,” the agree, Tsumu’s cock rubbing into you and then prodding at your drooling cunt. He slips the tip in, the feeling similar to ‘Samu’s thick cock. Speaking of ‘Samu, he’s quick to stick his own tip back in, stretching you out farther then you expected. A silent scream comes from you as tears spill down your cheeks, both of them thrusting into you as your cunt burns.

Split open on their cocks, you’re helpless. Nails digging into ‘Samu’s shoulders as his hands once more find themselves on your hips. ‘Tsumu’s hands are keeping your legs spread, the view of you sucking in both their cocks on display as they thrusts in tandem. When one pulls out, the other thrusts in and vice versa. The rhythm they set is one that works, their lips finding opposite sides on your neck to kiss and lick, teeth grazing the skin. You feel a buildup of your own orgasm as they plow into you, your walls squeezing them as they pick up the pace. Their rhythm gets sloppy, short growls from each as their bulbs start to grow again.

When ‘Tsumu sinks his teeth into you, your scream is one of pleasure as you reach your high, coating both of their cocks a milky white cream, the liquid falling to their base and dripping down. ‘Samu sinks his teeth into your skin on the opposite side as they both push into your tight cunt, a scream and shiver running through you as the do, their bulbs inflating inside to stretch you even more.

You’re completely stuck, their cocks inside you as they lap at your wounds. It’s only when you squirm do they start talking. “You’ll get used to it,”

“After all we have a week,”

“You’ll be able to take our knots with no problem,”

“All your holes will be used to taking us,”

Their words don’t ease you concern, but the fact that once they leave your warm cunt, they’re still hard and readying you for round two. The heat encompassing your body refuses to leave, their skin as sweaty and hot as yours. With their relentless stamina and obsession with pumping all their seed into you, you’re positive you’ll get pregnant.

[pink-chevalier]

Unlike her sisters, Cassia takes the time to unpack her things and fold them because she doesn't want to worry about it. There's also the fact that Cassia's not that excited to see Aspen. Jocelyn was the one sending her messages every day, commenting on the photos, and telling her that Aspen's been acting pretty weird since the vacation started. Let's be honest, Aspen was acting odd even before Cassia left; he didn't want to spend any time with them, and in the art club, he would be all bored. It was weird for Jocelyn and Cassia; they didn't know what to do with him, and it would get Cassia's blood boiling when she saw Aspen acting all friendly around Randell. She was going to confront Aspen about this when meeting them at the park, the three friends are supposed to get ice cream together, but Cassia only sees Jocelyn hanging out by the monkey bars.

Cassia: *smiles* I can't believe your mom let you dye your hair!

Jocelyn: *giggles* Correction! She let me bleach it. I wanted to do it because it makes me look more like dad, and I was right.

Cassia: I love it. Do you think Aspen’s going to show up?

Jocelyn: *sighs* I don't want to be mean or anything, but I don't think he's coming at all.

Cassia: Seriously?

Jocelyn: *nods* Yeah, we were supposed to hangout over the vacation, but Aspen would always cancel or say that he forgot, but then he'll be with Randell. That's why I was texting you so much! By the way, I'm sorry if I was annoying you.

Cassia: *shakes head* Nah, I didn't mind. But why didn't you tell me he was doing that?

Jocelyn: I didn't want to ruin your vacation, Cass. Besides, what were you going to do anyway? You're on a tropical island?

Cassia: *shrugs* I could've summoned a ghost with my dad to bully Aspen or something.

<<<      >>>

[khaleesiofalicante]

Oh my god! Please extend on the htgawm au or cast tsc characters as htgawm charcters.

I can already see Alastair as Connor, Thomas as Oliver, Grace as Michaela and obviously Charles as Aiden (even though he isn't that important, that conversation between Michaela and Connor is too iconic to not include him). Because of this, we will also get a Grace and Alastair dynamic which will be interesting to see.

I am kinda confused on the other characters. I can kind of see Maryse and Robert as Annalise and Sam, but then it makes Robert's canon development seem futile so I don't wanna do that. Also, now that I think about it, just because Maryse and Robert have the whole cheating arc, doesn't really make them similar to Annalise and Sam.

So, please help with the characters. You can choose characters from any timeline. It would be interesting to the character dynamic since characters from tmi and tda have never met characters from tid and tlh and Its interesting to imagine how they would get along and what their friendship would be like.

(P.S: I am sorry if I'm getting too excited, but htgawm is one of my all time favorite shows and tsc is one of my favorite book series, so I am getting very pumped up)

Okay this took me way too long to figure out cause htgatwm character dynamics are messy af. I couldn't put all the characters from different trilogies together. But how about this?

What if we make Annalise...Jocelyn?

The tmi gang kills 'Valentine/Sam' without knowing he is a piece of shit.

Clary can be Bonnie and Frank can be Sebastian (big ew - the plot needs to change but I feel like the dynamics work. The two of them being closest to Jocelyn/Annalise

Jace can be Asher. Checks out.

Izzy can be Laurel. Yes????

I would love to see Maia as Michaela. The power this two women hold oof.

Also, Luke is Nate!!! IT WORKS.

I think Magnus and Alec work perfectly as Connor and Oliver. They are both soft ships and must be protected at all costs. Also we know Magnus saves the gang's ass all the time just like Oliver.

why the fuck is this actually coming together imma stop now bye

Edit - just realised I forgot fucking Wes lmao. SIMON? I GUESS? CAUSE CANONICALLY DIES?

[billyhargroveinaponytail]

A Broken Boy and A Camaro: "We both know the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man got you all worked up."

"You're obviously not from here.." I glanced up from my cigarette to meet her eyes. There stood a dark haired girl which her eyes matched perfectly with. She dressed in dark colors and flannels, her jeans had spots of oil and grease displayed across them. High school in California every girl looked the same, they wore the least amount of clothes possible and always smelt like whatever gut wrenching perfume was trending at that time.

This girl was absolutely nothing like them, she wasn't dressed up to impress everyone, she wore what was comfortable and still looked absolutely gorgeous doing it. She stood very confident when talking to me and even the girls around her were blushing for her. Her hands stayed clutched around her crossbody strap and while I spent all this time staring and studying her, her eyes remained on my vehicle I stood leaned against.

"You'd be correct." I reached out my hand to shake hers, pulling my cigarette from my mouth and pushing the smoke towards the sky. "I'm Billy, my little sister and I just moved here." I repositioned myself on the car's trunk and glanced behind her at the girls huddled behind their friend. She even stood out from her friend group, they were all in white washed jeans and jeans jackets to match with brightly colored stripped shirts underneath, that the scrunchies holding up their hair matched.

"Well welcome to Hawkins, Billy. I'm Jo!" She shook my hand in return, moving her eyes right back to my vehicle staring down the wheels and across the bumper. The sound of the school bell ringing across the parking lot brought me from my daze.

"Nice to meet you, Jo. I'll see you around." I watched her walk inside the building her group trailing behind her. She stood tall over all of them and glanced back in my direction before disappearing from sight.

---------

"Do you understand what I am saying?" Neil, my father spoke to me in a harsh voice. He's always been tough on me, I often questioned if he even loved me by how harsh he spoke to me and how he treated me. My mom was always the sweet, loving one, she would be proud of me owning my own mechanic shop. I miss my mom a lot more than I talk about, my father treats her like she's dead but, I know she did what was best for herself by leaving my abusive father but I think she forgot about her damaged son and started a new life elsewhere.

"Yes, I hear you." I scoffed under my breath, shoving more food into my mouth. Susan always made large exquisite meals like every day was thanksgiving. There was usually only four of us eating but once in a while Jocelyn from next door would join us. She was very sweet, she made sure to compliment Susan on everything she made and thanked Neil repeatedly for allowing her to come over.

Max wasn't allowed many friends over but Neil and Jocelyn's dad got along so he trusted Jocelyn to be a good influence around Max. He was hoping she'd get Max into girly things and away from the gaming and skateboarding. Jocelyn wasn't much help though, I could hear them talking through the walls late at night and they spent hours talking about boys and playing video games.

"My sister's back home from college now, I think she dropped out or maybe they kicked her out. I'm not completely sure but she's back!" I focused in on what Jocelyn was saying, realizing it had a few years since I had seen Jo, I assumed she had married her boyfriend Travis by now, but I am curious how she's been.

"I'm sorry to hear that!" Susan spoke quietly, patting Jocelyn's thigh. "I'm sure it's just a bump in the road for her, your sister's very smart." Susan looked to Neil waiting for his response, but he continued to look at his plate picking at the last remaining crumbs.

After I finished eating I removed myself from the table and rinsed my plate in the sink. Jocelyn and Max handed over their plates and I rinsed theirs as well.

"How's your sister and her boyfriend, uh, Travis?" I questioned, acting like I had forget his name but in honesty I hadn't forgot him at all. Travis was a good guy he seemed to really like Jo but it was obvious he wasn't her type. Travis was introverted and kept to himself. It killed me to see them together, a fire grew in my stomach whenever they kissed.

We were a few months away from graduating and Travis had announced to us that him and Jo had started dating and it left me shocked I had never thought she would date someone like him but they always say expect the unexpected.

"They broke up." Jocelyn spoke with a mouth filled with chocolate chip cookies. She didn't explain any further so Jo probably hadn't told her anymore than that.

"That sucks, he was cute and I liked his hair." Max sighed, pouring herself another glass of milk and crushing up the empty gallon jug and throwing it away. Max hadn't ever had a boyfriend that I've known of, she had a crush on the Lucas kid at school but I knew the instant that my father would find out about that he would be furious. Let's be honest, Neil was defiantly racist and no matter how Max felt he would absolutely refuse their relationship, let alone her ever talking to him.

"Ew!" Jocelyn made a disgusted face, sticking her tongue out. "He was annoying, he used to flick my nose all the time!" Jocelyn shook her head in disagreement.

                                                 ----------------------------------------------------

"Dammit!"

The sound of a metal clanging against the concrete brought my attention around the old rusted up vehicle that sat in the middle of the neighbor's garage. I had spent many nights over here sitting in lawn chairs looking up at the stars with Jo.

We would talk about family, school and where we could see ourselves in the next few years.  Jo would always talk about owning her restaurant. It would be the perfect fit for her, she was so hardworking and such a people person.

It was in this garage that Jo had kissed me for the first time. We had been drinking a lot, Jo was helping me change the oil on my car and she was telling how much she enjoyed spending time with me and working on the cars with me. I stood up and wiped the remaining oil onto the bandana hanging from my back pocket, when she quickly leaned forward placing a hand on either side of my face before pulling me towards her planting a soft and gentle kiss on me. We had kissed for a few minutes before I felt her stiffen against me and blurting out an apology. I didn't reply I only kissed her back in response. The smell of oil and fuel smelt so good on her, being around her was just hypnotizing.

Every time I had changed someone's oil in the shop I had thought about her and that moment, but being in this garage again brought back all those memories and had my entire body aching for her.

"Hey Jo you alright over there?" I leaned against the garage door entrance and gave her a soft smile. I could tell she was stressed, her brows were furrowed and she looked lost in thought, I leaned down picking up the dropped wrench placing it back onto the work bench.

"Billy? Billy Hargrove? Hawkin's heart throb is talking to me?" She placed her hands to her cheeks, faking a shocked look. Jo use to tell me about all of her friends drooling over me in high school, her friends even came over every weekend during the summer and sat in the garage pretending to help her but stood around watching me cut grass, which I obviously did shirtless.

Shut up," I laughed shaking my head, "Jocelyn said you were home now so I thought I'd come say hello and welcome you back. I see you still have this old piece of shit on wheels, you ready to sell it yet?" I raised a brow slapping the hood. Jo brought this car home 4 days after her grandfather passed it was rusted completely and she spent all summer sanding it down and cleaning out the interior, she loved this car and the memories it brought her. She had her mind set on getting it running again and in perfect condition, why? I had no idea but she was determined.

"Thanks for the welcome back, where's my big welcome home sign? Hell, no I'm not ready to sell this thing, sooner or later I'm going to get it up and running!" She shoved my shoulder moving me away from the old mustang's trunk. We had made out on this trunk shortly before her and Travis started dating, I always knew Jo wanted something more with me but I was too busy being stupid and thinking I need to play around with all the high school bimbos before settling down. Just before our family's big forth of July party we worked some in the garage and one thing led to another and we were making out on the trunk of her car, her hands clawed at my back while I leaned us back against the car pressing myself against her completely.

We were moving and grinding deeply against each other. I knew things were moving along quickly but I stopped them before they could go too far. We were both breathing deeply, trying to catch our breathes. Again, she began apologizing profusely. She had nothing to apologize about, I wanted her just the same or even more but I was nothing but a piece of shit and she deserved better than me.

I placed my hands up in a surrender motion, fighting back my laughs. "I apologize there's no welcome home sign, I promise to have that ready next time. And I'm sorry for harming your garbage-" I stopped myself clearing my throat and then beginning again. "Harming your 'antique' " I made air quotes around the word.

"That's right! She's an antique!" She crossed her arms, attempting to act insulted by my comments. We have had many rough nights with this vehicle and she has called it many colorful names but she loved this car and would never part with it.

"How about that gorgeous Camaro of yours? You keeping her cleaned up nice for me?" She winked, wrapping her flannel around her waist and leaning into the passenger window to grab out her tool box.

It had taken me a while to finally let her drive my car, she was constantly begging me to let her drive it the pool or the convenient store but I always refused, until the night of her 20th birthday. We had gone to eat and then the drive ins, she had sat in my passenger seat eagerly watching the movie, I couldn't even remember what we were watching I just remember how excited she got over the action scenes.

Right after the movie had ended I had finally decided to give in and let her drive, she was so excited she almost drug me from my seat and yanked the keys from my hands. She was surprisingly a really talented driver.

"She's spotless and waiting for you to take her for another ride!" I lit up a cigarette, offering it over to her after taking a long drag. She took the cigarette and I watched her lips sensually wrap around the tip taking in a deep drag herself.

"Do you remember the first time you let me drive it?" She handed the cigarette back in my direction, then moving over to the hood and opening it up. Her grandfather taught her everything she knew about working on vehicles. She told me he use to tell her to never rely on a man. He taught her how to change her own tires, change her own oil and every other need for owning a vehicle. He didn't want her to ever depend on anyone for anything, I wonder what he would have thought about Travis? She always acted so weak and timid around him.

"Of course I do. It was the night of your birthday, we had a great night that night didn't we?" I leaned over the motor watching her tinker around inside. She blew my mind how talented she was, I always thought she would have joined me in the mechanic shop.

Old man Sampson owned the shop since he was 18 years old, his father had given it to him and when I was 18 I had started working there after school. I absolutely hated being home and did everything I could to stay away from Neil so, I spent all my time in the shop working on anything I could get my hands on. Sampson saw how hard I worked and how much I loved the shop so when he got sick he wrote up his will leaving the shop to me.

I renamed the shop in his honor after he passed and I was proud to say business was doing really well and I was eager to take Jo there and show her around.

She nodded, glancing up to me, then returning to the motor. "It was a great night, we fell asleep on the couch in the garage watching Ghostbusters together."

I had tried so hard to get Jo to let me throw her a party for her 22nd birthday but she insisted on it just being the two of us. She wanted dinner, a drive in movie and then to just hang out and that's exactly what we did. I bought her a tool box with all brand new pieces inside for her to use in the garage and she was so excited about it, she gave me a tight hug and thanked me multiple times for it.

After returning to her house from the drive ins we sat on the couch in the garage together watching the first Ghostbusters movie, we originally sat on opposite ends but once I noticed her shivering I motioned for her to move closer. She placed herself between my legs and laid against my chest, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Every fiber in my body wanted to pin her down on this couch and cover her in kisses, I was craving her taste.

I adjusted myself multiple times that night, trying to make my erection less noticeable. I swore she could feel it and I swore she was even pressing against it more and trying to turn me on, I continued to fight it though.

About an hour into the movie she had fallen asleep, my left leg and arm had both fallen asleep too but I was in such bliss having her laid against me there was no way I would be moving. It was roughly 7 in the morning when I woke up and realized she was no longer laying with me, she was coming down the stairs as I stood from the couch stretching. She greeted me with a plate of pancakes and the sweetest morning smile.

"Is that the night you go a boner on me?" She looked up again smirking, then moving over to the work bench. Her words caught me completely off guard, I began choking on my cigarette. I had assumed she forgot about that or maybe didn't know at all.

"Oh um," I stuttered, trying to catch my breath. "Yeah, I don't know about that, maybe."

She continued smirking, knowing we both knew exactly what she was talking about.

"We both know the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man got you all worked up. So speaking of boners, are there any pretty ladies in your life, Hargrove?" She opened the small mini fridge and pulled out two beers handing one in my direction.

I had the occasion hookup but nothing like I had in high school, I had actually calmed down within the last few years. Tiffany worked at the local bar as a waitress and whenever I found myself a wasted mess she was occasionally fun to bring home but she was a talker and I had absolutely no interest in listening to her talk. My father was always trying to set me up with a guy he worked with's niece but she was a hardcore lesbian and everyone knew it, I think her uncle was just trying to turn her down a different road and that wasn't happening here.

I laughed at her 'boner' comment, before shaking my head. "No, nothing too serious. What about you? How's Travis?" I didn't want to bring up that I asked Jocelyn early about them and that I already knew they were separated.

"I'm not surprised, I don't think you could ever do 'serious', and for Travis we broke up a few weeks ago. We really didn't see eye to eye."

The 'serious' comment hurt but it was so true, Jo had such a good way of putting things and I knew what she meant by 'couldn't see eye to eye'. Travis was boring, he never wanted to go places and see things. Jo wanted to go and explore the world she had talked about it any chance she got.

The first week Jo and Travis started dating, it was Halloween and our buddy Tommy was throwing a party. I was shirtless and had just worn a leather jacket and my fingerless gloves but Travis and Jo were dressed like Goose and Maverick from Top Gun. Jo had on a skin tight green jumpsuit the shorts ending right by her ass, leaving a small amount to hang out the bottom. Her top was very low cut and her breast were spilling from it, under the shorts she wore black fishnet tights and she looked mouth watering. I complimented her at least 5 times that night but Travis did nothing but embarrass her.

Travis said she went over board, he wanted her to wear a similar outfit to his, a green baggy jumpsuit) but Jo was confident in her body and liked dressing to show it. Travis was constantly covering her and asking her to 'be more modest'.

I wanted to take her home and strip her down to nothing but those incredible fishnets and screw her ever loving brains out. I fucked my own hand that entire night after the party thinking of her body riding me.

"I'm sorry to hear that," That's a lie.

"You're better off anyway." I picked up a few pieces of garbage off her bench and threw them in the trash.

I wish I could tell her how much I missed her while she was gone and the nights, I spent lying awake in bed thinking of her. I closed the bar down many nights trying to drink away the reoccurring thoughts in my head, she was just so intoxicating.

**CHECK OUT THIS STORY ON WATTPAD**

 https://www.wattpad.com/story/307499530-a-broken-boy-and-a-camaro?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=anythingwitha_j&wp_originator=lQ7WbOZHXISOYtp%2BVs3cfnSSAezAuHqasrQC80BYNjNBOO5HDZRafUb9b7AcqL78QqfJPrTx35X6aaXDFnyimiAygKgX%2B1soFP3025WCdfA9a5SYCaj2uFDt09BKqwzJ

[cant-think-of-anything]

Okay this gave me such a hard time to post, the app threw a fit when I tried to put it in the ask box, Clary kept disappearing so hopefully all of them stay

Clary - orange (not like her hair, more like water colors when you add a bit of water)

Jace - Gold (mentioned way too much about him to be anything else)

Izzy - bright red

Simon - blue that's not really dark or light, if you imagine a blue hoodie it would be something like this

Magnus - peacock colors (he's too colorful to be just one)

Sebastian - a bright purple

Alec - watery blue or light gray

Max lightwood bane - navy blue (yeah)

Rafael lightwood bane - the kind of orange you would see in a kindergarten room

Maia - dark magenta

Lily - electric blue

Raphael - I can't choose between red or brown

Jocelyn - like a worn out couch tan (haha sorry)

Tessa - like a light mauve

Will - blue, his eyes are mentioned an ABSURD amount like way too much for me to even have space to think of something else

Jem - the color of sun coming through the curtains

Charlotte - biscuit brown (is that even a color)

Henry - red (like his hair)

Gabriel - dark grayish blue but almost gray (like storm clouds)

Sophie- dark purple, like a jewel tone

Gideon - a light tan

Cecily - dark blue but with like a satiny sheen (is that how you spell it)

Jessamine - ivory

Mina - light pink (she's so cute dnskdnkams)

Emma - Sandy yellow

Julian - dark green , almost black

Mark- light sky blue (I love him I literally forgot he existed though oops)

Kieran- blue like his hair

Cristina- a darker pink but still vibrant

Dru - blood red

Ty - gray, similar to Gabriel but lighter than that

Kit- if you open your windows at sunrise that's him, the color and the feeling

Helen - a cream color (like ice cream)

Aline - wine red

James- ooh like a smoky dark gray that's almost see through, yeah for the shadow realm and all but it also gets that whole "mask" thing

Cordelia- GOLDEN HOUR COLOR IT'S PERFECT

Matthew - bright orange

Christopher - lavender and light green

Thomas - olive green but any earthy tones work well

Kamala - royal purple for sure

Grace - silver she's so silver

Eugenia- like a dark salmon or a bright yellow because of the one outfit

Barbara - a darkish brown but not like too dark (like a potato sack color? That sounds bad sorry Barbara)

Oscar the dog - gold (deserved more page time, underrated character smh)

Church - grayyy

Anna - literally couldn't think of anything

Jesse - forest green

Lucie - sky blue just works for her

Belial- (idk if I spelled that right) like when people say sickly pale skin, that's the color (ew)

Lilith - like a mom pink ( I can't even give an explanation)

Alastair - (yes I saved my favorite for last) burgandy, dark red, wine red, just any deep red suits him really well

If the explanations make no sense they were written on like two hours of sleep if I missed someone you like ask me and I will attempt to answer @immortal-enemies

[im-out-of-it]

part four of season one recap 🔥

the only times I liked clary:

and also this:

I think she can get a little leeway in perhaps the first episode but after all she does, I don’t feel bad for her and I can’t stand her character. Clary and Jace are almost the same person so it’s no wonder Valentine convinced them that they’re siblings. AND ALSO HOW DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BELIEVE A VILLAIN?????? THEY ARE KNOWN LIARS AND SOCIOPATHS

they’re both conceited but jace on the other hand knows better. he’s been a shadowhunter for years and knows not to treat Alec and Izzy as they don’t matter. Clary goes to the shadow world and starts bossing everyone around all in the name of finding her mother. which I try to sympathize but when she is making Alec’s life worse than no, I don’t like you. she also doesn’t seem to ever be grateful to Alec. almost ruined everything and is like I guess I should thank you. I GUESS????????? my boy Alec is the reason you have your mother because they could’ve sent your ass to idris.

Alec has done nothing but take the blame and go on numerous missions for the sake of Jocelyn. she’s not a good person and I still stand by this: YALL SHOULD HAVE SENT HER ASS TO IDRIS THE MOMENT SHE SHOWED UP

Alec’s life is on the line- his family’s reputation, the institutes reputation, Izzy almost losing her runes, the emotional turmoil this puts on Alec, an arranged marriage for Alec. you can even put ragnor dying. Jace and clary run around not thinking about the consequences and repercussions. honestly clary and jace deserve each other since they want to suffocate everyone else all in the name of their “love”. I don’t buy their chemistry. it’s not there. there is absolutely nothing to root for. and I know I’m biased coming from a Malec fan but the acting isn’t there for clary and Jace, their characters don’t have any redeeming qualities so what are we supposed to root for? there’s nothing special from either of them

I just really love his eyes 😌

alec knows that Magnus used all his magic and he’s, he’s cleaning for Magnus 🥹

but some moments of alec being the caring, loving, moody man that he is:

his little pouty face and everything 🥹

THE GAY PANIC IS REAL

to be fair, people are annoying so 😬

and then before I leave ya for the last part of the recap, I have to add these scenes because the facial expressions are everything (ALEC FORGOT WHY HES HAPPY) I’m sorry but it’s so fucking funny and just makes me love Alec and Magnus even more

let me just add these ones: (I love AU mags)

so I’ll see y’all in a minute and I have one more part to do. Im going to include some Raphael and Simon (because they’re amazing) and more Malec stuff but thank y’all for enduring me 🥰

[harryandmolly]

fear and loathing in mandeville canyon *2*

summary: Shawn & Lilly, derailed, detoured, but maybe not destroyed

warnings: language, going going but not quite gone

wc: 3.2k

-----------

He forgot about how pink she is.

It sounds so stupid, even in his head. Of course she’s kind of pink. She’s pale and gingery. It’s just jarring to see her skin like this again, glowing in the kitchen in the dappled morning sunlight. 

He announces himself with a clearing of his throat and peels his interested gaze away from the way her rosy toes bounce to an invisible beat against the kitchen floor. She looks over her shoulder.

More pink.

“Morning,” he grunts, edging around the other side of the counter to head for the fridge.

“Hi.”

Her voice is soft and a little rough. He forces himself not to look at her. He busies himself instead with digging an apple out of the fruit drawer.

“How’s the room?” he asks, a safe entrance point.

“Oh, it’s good. It’s nice.”

He aches. They’re so awkward. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. He tried to steel himself for this, he knew they couldn’t just fall back into what they were before. But how do you prepare for the awkwardness of being strangers with your best friend?

“Good. Cool. Yeah, I thought the balcony would be good. I mean, y’know, for yoga.”

She nods, then looks back down at the pan of eggs she’s cooking. She’s swirling her spatula, cooking them over a very low heat like Gordon Ramsey. He’s never watched her cook eggs before. When they were together, they usually Postmated breakfast. He doesn’t really know why.

She looks tired, despite his assumption that she slept from early last night until just now. She looks as tired as he feels, having gotten around the four hours that’s become all but normal to him recently. He has too much going on in his head to expect any restorative sleep. There aren’t enough waking hours in the day, so his body made more.

Lilly looks up at him so suddenly he stops, mouth open, the apple hovering near his lips, unmoving. He feels his heart stutter in his chest.

Her eyes drop. She swallows and seems to refocus on her breakfast. Shawn tries not to feel disappointed. After all, he disappointed her first.

“I’ll be around outside if you need me,” he offers, hoping to god he doesn’t look like a kicked puppy as he wanders off, watching her gaze remain steady on the eggs like he didn’t say anything at all.

+

Shawn slips the phone back into his pocket. It’s not doing him any good right now. He’s not sure what is. He glances down at his guitar disdainfully, then back up to squint through the afternoon sun at the winding gardens.

He’s been outside almost all day. A part of him wonders if he’s subconsciously surrendering the space to her, in case she really doesn’t want him in it. A bigger part of him thinks he just doesn’t want her to hear this shit he’s working on.

Every time he thinks of a lyric and decides to sing it out loud, he almost convulses with disgust. Nothing sounds right or feels right. He likes the melody -- loves it, actually. He hasn’t written anything worth a damn in the last few weeks, and possibly before, and this had him hoping he was getting back on track with his album. But now he’s stuck. Beyond stuck. He’s exhausted and stressed enough to half-believe he’s lost any songwriting talent he ever had.

He wonders what Lilly’s doing. He’s afraid to check. He doesn’t want to hover or annoy her. His stomach turns at the idea of her disliking him any more than she already does. The truth is, he craves her company more than anything else about her. He misses plucking at a guitar at one end of a couch with her feet in his lap while she wrote on her laptop. He even misses FaceTime sessions when they were mostly silent, getting other shit done, but just wanted, needed to be with each other.

He wets his lips and slouches against the teak garden bench, sighing heavily as his mind races through a harried, scattered version of a summation of the last nine months. He can’t believe he let everything get so fucked up. Shawn picks at a loose thread on his gym shorts and wonders if there’s any chance at all that she might miss being around him, too.

He lifts the guitar back into his lap after a too-long self pity session. He clears his throat and shifts to get comfortable. As he does, he senses something that makes him look over his shoulder, just in time to catch the flutter of a curtain closing from one of the living rooms with floor-to-ceiling windows that face the backyard.

He turns back to the guitar.

+

Shawn heads inside around dinner time. He can feel the heat settling in his shoulders and the bridge of skin across his nose and he knows he should’ve been wearing sunscreen. He also knows that nine months ago, Lilly would’ve ripped him a new one if he came back to her sunburnt, so he’s a little masochistically curious to see her reaction.

She’s in the kitchen again, almost exactly where he left her. Her hair is piled up in a bun that’s been picked at and hastily rebuilt all day. At some point she changed into a new pair of leggings and a workout tank. She looks like an Instagram ad for trendy healthy living in this kitchen. He allows himself half a smile.

He props the guitar up against the window seat and edges toward her like she’s a feral cat. Her eyes lift from the wide blonde-wooded butcher’s block that lives beside the sink. They narrow almost imperceptibly at the sight of him, all red and sweaty, he’s sure, and then drop back down to the box of Kraft mac and cheese she’s pouring into a boiling pot.

He’s gonna live on that look for days.

“Hey,” he grunts, realizing his voice is a little hoarse from abusing it all day, “How was your day?”

Shawn really hasn’t been inside at all. Or eaten basically anything. Or had any water. Unfortunately that’s not off-brand for him lately. But it means he hasn’t seen her since 9am.

He missed her.

She lifts and drops a shoulder, stirring the noodles so they don’t clump like he always used to forget to do. “It was fine.”

Shawn waits. She doesn’t owe him any more, but he hopes for it anyway.

She glances up at him. “Do you want half of this?”

He swears his growling empty stomach flops down onto his shoes. A combination of misplaced politeness and knee-jerk negative reaction to dairy drilled into him by Cez and Jocelyne have him shaking his head before he can think about it.

“That’s ok, I shouldn’t.”

Lilly snorts and Shawn goes stiff.

“Oh shut up and just take it.”

His chest deflates as he blinks, startled. He nods and nearly stumbles up to the bar to sit while she prepares it.

It takes him a strangely long time to notice that she’s playing music on her phone. He tilts his head and identifies it as a deep cut from Heavier Things by John Mayer. He wonders if he goes a little pinker.

She adds extra butter and shredded cheddar to the macaroni. He tries not to consider what eating this much shitty processed cheese for the first time in months will do to his body. He’s grateful that his bathroom is a whole house away from hers.

Lilly prepares their bowls in silence, holding up her trusty Old Bay seasoning as an offering that he politely refuses with a timid smile. If he’s not delusional from low blood sugar and dehydration, she smiles a little bit too.

Lilly rounds the counter to sit beside him at the bar. The whole right side of his body tingles in response to her closeness. His heart rate lifts, his fingers reach for his spoon to stir faster, needing something to do. And then just before she sits, her phone rings.

She checks the caller and looks up at him semi-apologetically.

“Sorry, it’s my mom.”

Lilly wanders away, phone to her ear, bowl in her hand. 

Shawn drags his spoon through the cheese sauce she got so remarkably smooth. He eats every bite. It might be the best mac and cheese he’s ever had.

+

The master bedroom is located at the end of a long hallway that creaks and crackles charmingly with the age of the house. Shawn doesn’t really notice it when he’s walking from one end of it to the other, but he does when it’s her.

He’s feeling sorry for himself, his new not-favorite pastime, staring at his phone in partial darkness in the wide open sitting room adjacent to his bedroom. The sun set ten minutes ago, the world outside is blue. The white carpet below his bare, dirty feet is kind of blue too. His guitar sits in the corner, shunned and untouched.

The footsteps feel like a phantom sensation at first, but he doesn’t have long enough to think about it before she walks around the corner into the room. She doesn’t hesitate, she doesn’t slow down.

She’s in a heavy oversized sweater and sleep shorts holding a bottle of red and two glasses. She lifts an eyebrow and shrugs. Shawn wants to cry.

He nods at her and sits up, hoping he looks more welcoming than despondent. He tries a smile. She chuckles and sits at his feet, cross-legged, and opens the screw top bottle.

“Please stop looking at me like I might slap you at any moment.”

Shawn clicks his tongue nervously. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

She ignores his comment and passes up his glass by the stem. He’s careful to take it by the bowl despite how badly he wants to touch her fingers. She sits back with her own and looks up at him steadily for the first time since she got here.

“Cheers. We’re lucky. Really lucky.”

Shawn matches the way she raises her glass, then he drinks, raking a hand through his sticky hair.

She’s right, of course. He realizes he hasn’t thought about it much since he got back to LA. Getting to her and then getting her safe was his singular focus, which as he thinks about it now, is extraordinary privilege. He feels gross all of a sudden for how little consideration he’s given everything, everyone else.

Another failing to choke down.

“Are you ok?”

Shawn blinks. He looks down at her. She’s staring up at him, head tilted like a cocker spaniel, glass sitting between her fingers. He looks at them instead of her face.

“Yeah. Just tired.”

Another lie to choke down.

Lilly takes a big sip. “You look like you’re doing the self-flagellation thing.”

“What self-flagellation thing?”

He doesn’t know if it’s more bullishness or true curiosity driving him to ask.

“You’ve got this look on your face like you’re recreating the “Stitches” video in your own head.”

It startles him into laughing. She doesn’t laugh with him.

“I don’t know. I feel like I should be ok. I don’t have a reason not to be.”

She seems to consider him for a few moments. She takes another sip. Shawn looks down. His glass is empty. Lilly notices and refills it.

“Not like I do, you mean?”

That feeling in Shawn’s chest that first showed up when he confronted her at her house is back. It’s like a tiny pebble is clogging an artery, or something. Everything feels a little stuck and he’s not even mad because he probably deserves it.

He exhales a shaky breath and brings his hand through his hair again. “I dunno.”

This second wishy-washy answer isn’t what she wanted. She hardens. “I want you to know, I want you to understand that I was fine. I am fine. I do appreciate the rescue but I didn’t need… closure.”

The pebble fucking grows.

“Closure?” he nearly chokes.

“That feels like the only sane reason you insisted on coming to see me.”

It’s pointed. Her pretty gunmetal blue eyes are solid. Her lips have gone tight around the corners. It’s a clear warning.

His eyes drift shut in a heavy blink. He takes another sip.

“I feel like… for as often as I’ve thought about talking to you about this, I should know what I want to say. But I still don’t.”

Lilly sighs and drains her glass, refilling it. “Keep drinking, you’ll figure it out.”

Shawn looks down at his and finishes it. Lilly refills it.

He studies the way her legs fold beneath her, and the white casts of stretch marks visible against her inner thighs, the ones he used to trace with his tongue, nose, fingers. He recognizes the sweater she’s wearing. It’s so big it pools around her wrists even where she’s rolled it up. She got it in college at Goodwill for $5. It used to be her favorite piece of clothing. He wonders if it’s been replaced.

With a lurch of his already sensitive stomach, he wonders if he has, too.

“Have you dated anyone?”

Her nose wrinkles distastefully and he sees the misstep he’s made too late, like a pile of dogshit.

“Seriously?”

“Sorry, sorry. Fuck. You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s not my business.”

She raises her eyes to the ceiling and shakes her head. He feels thoroughly chastised. He thinks maybe she’ll just get up and walk away. He dreads that and craves the punishment of it in equal measure.

“It’s not that.”

His brow furrows. She can still surprise him.

“What is it?” he whispers.

Her nose twitches. “I just… I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want anyone else.”

He goes so warm all over, a sensation he distantly remembers but is sure he doesn’t deserve.

After a moment, Shawn climbs down from his chair and takes the bottle, filling his glass. He sits in front of her. It’s not six feet away, it’s not even close. He’ll move if she asks.

“I thought I had to know why. It was the thing that had me a heartbeat away from calling you a dozen times. I thought if you could just tell me why you loved her more, I could get over it faster,” she muses.

Shawn holds his breath while she speaks to her dwindling glass.

“But more than that I wanted to hold onto my pride. I wanted my last words to you to be those, what I said before you left that night. That won, I guess.”

She’s quiet for almost a minute.

“Do you remember what I said?” she asks.

He says “yes” quietly and doesn’t add that those moments are seared indelibly in his memory -- her face, her breath, her tone, every word exactly as she delivered them. It’s the stuff of his regular nightmares.

She huffs and smiles, but it’s dark. “It didn’t even work. I never got to hate you, even as badly as I wanted to. I think I’ve loved you too much to ever hate you.”

Shawn’s head feels light from the booze and the lack of oxygen he’s allowing it from refusing to breathe.

“I thought it was a curse, maybe. Especially because for a while I couldn’t even look at pictures of you with her. I’d get all panicked and distracted, even in public. But lately, like in the last… I dunno, three months? It got a lot easier. I don’t know why. There never seemed to be a trigger for healing, but it felt like it started finally after waiting around for it forever. And now we’re here and I don’t know what kind of mark this will leave.”

She’s speaking easily, matter-of-factly, but he thinks he knows her well enough to feel what’s beneath it. He could always tell exactly how she was feeling, even when she didn’t want him to.

Shawn clears his throat twice before attempting to speak, but his voice still sounds broken and shredded. “There was so much I wanted to say to you after I left. But… the biggest thing, the thing that bothered me the most, the part I fucking hated, is that you wondered if I felt like I was settling with you, that I was waiting around for her consciously when I was with you. I… I never felt that way. I wanted you. I was so crazy about you. I really fucking loved you.”

The past tense hurts to say out loud, like he’s spitting glass. Lying to her disgusts him, but he thinks it’s the first unselfish thing he’s done in months. She doesn’t want to hear that he still loves her. Even if he thinks he always will. It’s not the time. So he swallows it.

She looks interested, convinced maybe. She finishes her glass and pours herself more, topping up his glass with the rest of the bottle.

“I had myself convinced I didn’t need to hear that.”

A flare of unfamiliar pride glimmers in his chest. He did something good. He said something that helped. Maybe he’s not as miserable a bastard as he thought.

“It’s true,” he assures her, feeling bleary from the wine but absolutely certain.

“I think I knew,” she admits, stretching out her legs so her feet sit beside him. He forces himself not to look at her soft, shapely thighs, “Because… it was really good for a while.”

But she’s always surprising him. Out of seemingly nowhere, Lilly’s chin wobbles. She claps a hand over her mouth to cover a harsh, sobbing inhale. Shawn’s blood runs cold.

“Lilly,” he breathes, blinking quickly, “Lilly, I’m so sorry.”

Her eyes go sort of green when she cries. Shawn hates that he knows that. He wishes he knew everything about her but that.

Without thinking, without breathing, without another word, Shawn leans forward and gets as far as brushing his lips across hers before she springs back and stares at him like he’s just screamed in her face.

“What the fuck?”

“Oh god,” Shawn spews, “Oh god, fuck, I’m sorry. Oh fuck, I’m so sorry. Lil, fuck, shit, I didn’t-- oh god--”

As he garbles his way through apologies, Lilly leaps to her feet and leaves without another word. Shawn lurches in her direction like he wants to catch her but doesn’t fully commit. He hears himself continuing to mumble hopelessly until her quick footsteps are too far away to hear the creaking protests of the old house.

Shawn lets his body drop to the carpet beside the empty wine bottle. He releases a shaky breath and lifts the heels of his hands to his eyes, pressing in when the tears come. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. He shouldn’t be allowed. He should be forced to keep this feeling bottled up, to live with it -- live with knowing he made her uncomfortable. He forced himself on her. He kissed her when she didn’t want him to. There should be no relief from that.

But it only makes him cry harder.

----------

I can only hope you’ve been inundated with these links the last few days, but just in case you haven’t, here they are. Please visit them and give what you can, be it time, consideration, or money. Let’s affect some fucking change, shall we?

Minnesota Freedom Fund

George Floyd’s Family’s GoFundMe

Color of Change Petition

----------

Taglist: @smallerinfinities​ @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn​ @infiniteshawn​ @mendesoft​ @singanddreamanyway​ @alone-in-madness​ @abigfatmess​ @shawnitsmutual​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @september-lace​ @sinplisticshawn​ @rollingxstone​ @randi-eve​ @fallmoreinlove @heyits-claire​ @itrocksmysocks​ @parkerspicedlatte​ @simpledomain​ @abeautiful-and-cloudy-day​ @thecurlsofgod​ @magcon7280​ @bensbuttercup​ @shawnsmusical​ @paigeasourous​ @tell-me-when-ur-ready​ @softmendesss​ @searchingunderthestars​ @buggy-blogs​ @mendesficsxbombay​ @siennarossi​ @lostinshawnsmemory​ @umbreakablesoul​ @sleepybesson​ @shawnsheaven @shaawnie @shawn-youth​ @graysonmendes​

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Seven

Previous Chapter HERE

Warning: Some language

Chapter Seven

Curled up on the sofa next to Shan with the bottle of red Noah had left was where Sarah found herself later that same evening, not entirely of her own doing. She’d changed into her sweatpants and her old university hoodie for comfort as soon as she’d arrived back but she still found it hard to relax.

Earlier, after they’d left the gallery, they had continued walking to the restaurant Jocelyn had scouted for them based upon a magazine review she’d read in Home & Country. They had managed to keep their awkwardness to a minimum so no one could tell but Chris soon felt the need to make an excuse and leave. Just before they arrived at the restaurant, he turned to thank Noah and Jocelyn for a nice afternoon and left them to it claiming his producer had emailed some last-minute script amendments he needed to be clued up on. Thankfully, he was a good enough actor that they didn’t suspect anything was amiss. He kissed Jocelyn on the cheek and patted Noah on the back of his shoulder but pretty much ignored Sarah as he walked off back in the direction of his own apartment, head down to avoid the rain. The three of them continued but Sarah had lost her appetite by that point so they called it a night after having a drink at the bar next door.

She texted Chris on the way home to tell him her folks had said it was nice to see him. She had no real reason to tell him that of course but it seemed like the thing to do. That was now over an hour ago and Chris still hadn’t responded. Anyone else would have assumed, logically, that he simply hadn’t seen it yet, or he had been in the process of replying but got distracted with something else, but she knew differently. She found herself anxious at the best of times but not so much concerned with what other people thought of her, if they thought anything at all, or whether she had annoyed anyone. The Evans clan were the exception to that rule. They knew her better than almost anyone. She figured, should she ever wind up missing, that she would be one of those people about whom others would give very banal police statements such as “she was quiet” or “she kept herself to herself” or “actually, now you mention it, she does look a little bit like a female Cillian Murphy.” She almost certainly would not have a candle-light vigil held for her in a park, which was a sobering thought.

“This guy’s a dick.” spoke Shan, mouth full of cookie dough, snapping Sarah out of her head for a second. “He’s stolen another designer’s idea but the judges haven’t figured it out yet.”

Sarah tried quickly to catch up with what was happening on the TV screen. “Is he gonna get away with it? Will they get told, or...?”

“Yeh, the producers will say something. They’re just ramping it up for the drama.”

Sarah loved how into Reality TV Shanna was. Don’t count her out of a quiz team; she knows everything there is to know about Project Runway and could put anyone to shame with her intricate knowledge of Kim Kardashian’s romantic life. Possibly even more so than Kim herself. It was both strangely impressive and kind of scary at the same time, and was possible also the reason why Chris never invited her to parties in L.A.

“So, who is going to win again? Is there a frontrunner yet?”

“We’ve only had three episodes but Jody, definitely. She’s soooo cool. I’m following her on Instagram and she designed these flares that I’m gonna buy if they ever go on sale.” Shan pulled out her phone and started scrolling through the app to find them.

Sarah poured herself another glass of wine and waiting to be blown away by Shan’s ever-changing fashion sense. She wished she was confident with clothes and colour as Shanna had grown to be. She was never afraid to experiment with what she wore, often clashing but somehow always pulling it off. Confidence is key, she would say if you asked her for advice. You can wear absolutely anything you like if you act like you don’t give a shit. In stark contrast, if you managed to find something that wasn’t beige or mauve in Sarah’s closet, it would be a miracle. Actually, if you managed to find anything in her closet that was younger than five years old would be a rarer find than a double rainbow. “Autumnal” is how she would describe it. “Dull as fuck” would be Audrey’s response. 

“Oh, Chris wants to know if we’re bringing anyone to his party next week. Matt needs numbers. Do you think Audrey will fancy coming?” Shan offered without looking up from her phone. “Actuallt, stupid question.”

“Actually, no, I don’t think so. I think it’s hers and Michael’s anniversary. She mentioned they were thinking of driving up to the coast.” She took a sip from her glass. “Did he just ask you that?”

“Yeh. Well, like ten minutes ago but I forgot to say anything.” Shan was still scrolling through her phone to find the photograph and couldn’t see the dejection cross Sarah’s face.

“Here they are. Look. Funky or what?” Shan excitedly waved her phone in Sarah’s direction so she could only make out a swirl of blue and purple. They were definitely flares, though. Ideal for a themes costume party but probably everyday wear for someone as ballsy as Shanna. “I reckon these with my black platforms and that red angora sweater of yours.” Maybe Sarah’s wardrobe was of some appeal after all.

“Yeh, I could see you in those for sure.” Sarah smiled. “But that sweater is the only decent thing I could wear on a date that isn’t part of my day to day stuff so you need to be careful with it.”

“Aww you saving it for Greg?” Shan winked.

“Hardly.” Sarah tried to find the energy to eye roll back at her but she was too bothered by the confirmation that Chris was almost certainly absolutely definitely ignoring her.

“Shan? I think I’ve done something stupid and I’m not sure what to do.”

Shan looked taken aback for a moment before just plain confused. “Sarah, you don’t do ‘stupid’. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fixable.” she leaned forward a little, moving closer to Sarah on the armchair next to the couch. “You know, it sounds odd but I had this feeling something was going on. You’ve been a little distracted lately. What is it?”

Now it was Sarah’s turn to hope Shanna wouldn’t be mad at her. “You know I contacted the agency? About Charlotte? Well, they’ve put me in touch with her and things have moved on a little bit since and now we’re sort of talking to each other. We’re thinking of meeting up soon.”

Shanna’s eyes grew wider in surprise. She’d known about Sarah’s response to the agency’s request and had made her feelings approximately clear some time before, but the actual talking part was new information.

“We’ve been texting a bit.” Sarah continued with some trepidation. “She gave them her number to pass on to me. She’s thinking of coming to Boston soon, maybe to have a drink or something. What do you think?”

Shan looked at Sarah without blinking for a moment. She didn’t know what to think. “Wow, you have her number? And she has yours? Obviously, sorry. That was a dumb thing to ask. OK. Well, I guess that’s that then.” Shanna placed her phone down on the coffee table in front of her and readjusted her position on the couch so she was facing Sarah more now.

Sarah rubbed the back of her neck. “Chris thinks I’m being stupid.”

“Oh, Chris thinks everyone is stupid if they don’t think the exact same way he does.” Shanna exaggerated her eye roll causing Sarah to chuckled. “Have you heard him talk about Giants fans?!”

“He is right, though, isn’t he? It’s a risk. I mean, she didn’t want to know before so what’s changed now?”

“A lot of things could have changed, Sarah. I guess you’ll find out soon enough.” Shanna responded. “When do you think you guys’ll meet?”

“She’s gonna let me know. She has to travel to Boston so I guess it depends on her journey.” Sarah shrugged, noting Shanna’s scepticism. “I’m sure she’ll contact me.”

“Yes, of course she will.” Shanna briefly paused. “Where is she from?”

“Raleigh, North Carolina. She wasn’t born there, I don’t think. Moved for work. I’m guessing she’s from Michigan originally but I don’t really know that for sure.”

Shanna nodded along, taking in everything Sarah was telling her and trying not to appear cynical. Having been on the end of something similar some years earlier, she appreciated how comforting the support was even if she herself knew it to be forged somehow. She knew the last thing Sarah would need right now was to be told she was being foolish, and she made a mental note to elbow her stupid brother in his ribcage the next time she saw him.

“I was going to tell them this weekend but I bottled it. After everything Chris said, I just figured maybe they would think I didn’t appreciate them enough. I just can’t put that on them. Not now. Not until I’ve at least met her.” Sarah rubbed both hands down her face. She didn’t know what to do and had kind of hoped that Shanna would magically make everything better.

“From everything I know of Joss and Noah, I really don’t think they would ever stop you from seeing her.” Shan nudged Sarah’s foot with her own, trying to get her attention back. “You can’t expect them to be over the moon aout it but they would at least understand your choosing to do so. And despite Chris’s opinion, that’s what this is. Your choosing. You have control over this and if you say so, well, then...that’s all that matters.”

Sarah smiled softly at Shanna, glad she’d taken the plunge and finally told her what was going on. Her shoulders felt a little lighter after removing some of the weight.

“But I can’t promise we’ll be OK. We’ll worry about you until she gives us reason not to.” Shanna leaned back on the couch, wine now in hand, and curled her feet back under herself. “Tough shit.”

Sarah watched as a smile slowly spread across Shanna’s face, her eyes full of sympathy. “You have to face it. We love you very much and if she dares even cross you? Just once? We’ll burn her house down.”

“OK.” Sarah nodded, wiping her eyes of the tears that had started forming in the corners. “OK, deal.”

*

Nothing had really changed in the days that followed. Sarah had the impression Chris was continuing to ignore her, with only short, clipped phrases padding out any conversation they might have had by accident. She was also pretty sure he and Lisa had both been talking to Shanna about it when he thought she couldn’t hear him, casually enquiring about her plans to meet. At several times, she caught the ends of hushed conversations and experience the odd awkward moment where everything would freeze as soon as she’d walk into the room. If they had been hoping to alleviate any concern, they were failing. Shanna was also a terrible liar at the best of times but to her credit, Sarah had heard her give Chris an earful for what he’d said to her following their visit to the McCurry exhibition and he had promised to offer Sarah an apology but that had yet to materialise, not that she cared much. Shanna had also decided not to give away any details of their impending meeting and for that, she’d be eternally grateful. 

“So,” Audrey said, leaning on the desk where Sarah had set up camp to catch up on some patient admin. “You’re really going to see her, huh? How will you know it’s her?”

“How do you mean?” Sarah looked up briefly from the papers in front of her, a crease forming on her brow. She was fed up of people’s judgements.

“Will she be carrying a white newspaper and some roses, or has she sent you a photograph of herself so you know who to look out for?”

 No sarcasm intended, Audrey was serious and she was right. That was a really good question. Crap. She hadn’t given much thought to asking Charlotte what she looked like and the photograph from twenty-nine years ago of a young curly-haired brunette with wide, tired eyes might not be the most entirely accurate depiction to work off. She could be a full-time blonde right now, and she had no idea how tall or slim she might be. In a strange way, being caught up in the unnerving anticipation of finally meeting her birth mother, she must have simply assumed they would bear a passing resemblance to one another. That their eyes would meet across a room and they would know instantly who the other person was. Maybe they would hug first and conversation would flow naturally from there and it would be like, where have you been all my life? 

One thing Lisa had offered by way of advice was to tell Sarah to stop putting unrealistic expectations on herself. She told her she didn’t want her to be disappointed but it was almost too late for that now. She couldn’t help but get a little carried away the more she thought about the infinite possibilities and the closer their arranged date crept up on her, the more agitated she became.

Work had been something of a welcome distraction. A chance to ground herself in reality as opposed to daydreaming all the what-ifs she might have before the weekend arrived. She’d even allowed herself to flirt a little bit with Greg, not too much but certainly enough to garner Audrey’s amusement and surprise.

“I’m just saying. It’s worth asking for some kind of idea of what she plans to wear, or maybe you should tell her something about yourself?” Audrey suggested. “I’ve always thought you would look amazing with rose gold hair and that would give you a perfect way to stand out.”

“I’m not gonna dye my hair. Remember what happened last time? That charity thing? I had to replace all of my towels.” They both laughed at the memory but something had clearly struck a chord somewhere inside her and Sarah pondered it for a second. “You’re right, though. I haven’t really thought much beyond the day itself.” Sarah looked back down at the work in front of her, all of it suddenly losing focus. “Tell you the truth, I have no idea what I’m going to say to her.”

“Yes, you are quite awkward at the best of times, aren’t you?”

Sarah eyed Audrey for a second unsure of what to say before catching the smirk on her face. She threw a roll-up memo note at her face.

“What do you think you’ll say to her?” Audrey asked, more seriously now.

Sarah took a deep break and leaned back in her chair. Truthfully, she had been losing sleep over this very subject, swinging between general chit-chat you would have with a long-lost pal you’d just added on Facebook, and calling her every name under the sun. She figured the fairest most useful thing would be somewhere between the two.

“I have no idea. Every time I think I have a hold on the situation, some other thought pops into my head and it’s like I’m back at zero again.” She threw the pen she’d been holding on to the table and looked at Audrey. Audrey’s face was full of something akin to worry.

“If you like, I could always call you, like on a date? If everything is OK, you can ignore it. If not, it could be your get-out clause?” Audrey offered. If Sarah had asked, Audrey would have probably staked the place out and sat next to them all night, and only partly because she was nosier than she would admit.

“I love you, Audrey.”

Audrey playfully rolled her eyes. “OK, I get it. This is something you have to do yourself. Just know the offer still stands, OK?” Sarah nodded gratefully. “I’m off in ten and I don’t think I’ll see you again before, so...take care. Let me know how it goes, yeh?”

She grabbed Sarah’s shoulder in a tight grip before walking out of the room, leaving Sarah to her mountain of paperwork and another three hours of shift before she could head home and try to get some sleep.

Sarah waited a second before pulling her phone out of her pocket. The last messages she had sent over the past day or two had all been to Charlotte; all of them casual enough but she’d answered every single one of them. Relief washed over her momentarily as she considered how to approach the awkward subject of not having a clue what her biological mother looked like. Then again, this whole situation was awkward. It was awkward as hell, so she just went for it.

Sarah 9.02pm: Just a thought. Who should I look out for this Friday?

Mercifully, she didn’t have to wait long for a response. The feeling she had was almost pleasant and it caught her off guard.

Charlotte 9.09pm: Oh my word, I didn’t think!! I’ll be in a red dress. Boots. Honestly I only have one nice outfit ;)

She allowed herself to smile for a second at her reply, taking a moment to think about what she was doing. If she could meet Charlotte for an hour, nothing too pressured, she could easily grab a cab to Chris’ place afterwards and still be there before 9pm. No one would notice.

Sarah 9.12pm: No problem. I’ll look out for you. Still OK for 7.30?

Charlotte 9.14pm: Absolutely! Looking forward to it x

*

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Coraline, I miss you.

You know what's funny,

This is the first time, in a long time,

Where I actually didn't cry by the end of our story.

Like I was shocked for a moment, like:

"Why do I feel ok?"

"Why am I not angry or sad?"

"Or ready to toss myself out of a window?"

It’s because we've already died once. I've accepted this death.

My soul has felt like this, twice maybe nearly three times....ok maybe 16 if you’re including childhood. Heartbreak don't phase me no more. It’s required when falling in love with someone like you. Someone who has ripped through people so many times as the same had been done to you as a child.

But Jesus rose again each time.

He has gotten me through every hell hole with you.

I shall fear no evil.

No longer do I fear the love in my heart for you either.

I dont have to do anything. I dont have to say anything.

I can just be here, chilling, living my life, as I should.

Helping myself to a pack of gummy worms

That I forgot was on the floor.

And there’s nothing you can do about it. 

Im not choosing to be bitter.

Im not choosing to be scared that my ex lovers might kidnap me, kill me, or break my heart again in the future.

(I might have these thoughts in the back of my head...)

But for what? Because of the past?

I know who they are and I know my God.

"God is bigger than the boogie man"

He will protect me from Peter Pan, Captain Hook, and his crew of theives.

Im not crying in pain anymore.

My wounds are sealed.

It’s finally been done.

Even though im still in love with you, yet left me with none in return.

I know you still burn a secret torch for me.

And you’ll probably be the last to know as you still say to yourself “its just lust”

But i did the same thing, holding myself back because I thought it was just lust and look at where it got me.

Stuck playing with you, and sipping vodka at pity parties whenever you or she called it quits.

And I'll probably be there once they realizes how to escape from the prism of prisons that they (one person; my ftm) had forced themselves into to survive their childhood:

1st- their insecurity and battle of mind

2nd- their complex view on sex, marriage, and commitment

And finally 3rd; childhood trauma.

Jay you gotta heal from your mother and your father's wounds that they gave you. Emotionally and physically.

Because the scars that you bare now, can pass on to your children if you don't grieve properly.

Showing emotion is not weak. Yes, you are going to be vulnerable. But it takes strength to show where your wounds are to somebody that you trust.

I'm sorry I lied about my involvement with Calvin to try and make you feel jealous. We're just work buddies, nothing more. It was to get back at you for making me feel jealous on purpose in Franken----, I had a feeling that you were doing it for attention from me and her, because you wanted to see how I would react. So instead, that day (and the day at the target/mall) I gave you the cold shoulder and ignored you every time you attempted to get a reaction out of me. Because I knew you were being sly and sadistic to me, you felt a dry spell between us and wanted to know if I was being mischievous or did I actually stop being interested in you?

I know its confusing, because by this point usually you would say something argumentative like "well, how do you know all that?"

And then I would say, "Clearly, its simple. I know you. Jay-Jaiden-Jocelyn. Because clearly you operate on entirely different plane of view than I. You think like 3-4 different people at a time, and that my friend sounds exhausting.

That repepetive pounding in your head is from, your father still infiltrating your mind. The one who abused you the most.

I saw this that night we got into it at your apartment. You got in my face, poked me in my chest as you said "Now you have to make the asshole."

You made the energy in the room feel cold. And I knew it wasn't you.

It was your father. You became your father's energy. You replicated that.

Because your body remembers.

You, Jay, might not remember.

But the other people in line for your spot in your mind do,

Remembers all too well. They keep your secrets safe within you.

Once the council figured out that I knew,

they got scared and tormented me for it.

Na, knows it too.

She's playing mind games on you.

But you can't see it physically.

I couldn't see it either at first.

Until I got home everytime and reflected back at what happened

In reverse.

Everything is inverted.

This whole time I thought it was you that was evil.

But its really been her.

She's been using your mind against you.

All because of cheating on her with other people over the years. It hurt her deeply. She grew numb, cold, and distant. That’s why she wants another. Because you were always looking outside from her to seek pleasure and attention.

She used to be serving, and submissive to you, but now she’s outsmarted you. She knows that you will always play outside, so she gave you a leash. Thus, a leash for herself to gift you, so she could seek her benefits elsewhere too.

She said she always felt like she needed to take care of someone or something to feel better. I think you’re still in delusion about everything staying together with her.

She said she was gonna ask me to move in with y'all! Of course I was next to have a leash. I was her next project to take care of.

I needed to get out of there. Before she had me hip to her bosom just like you.

A girl with mommy issues. 

I was next on her guest list.

She knows the key is to my heart. And the only way to get instant access is my...... “peaches.” SHE WANTED EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO MA’ PEACHES! 

OF COURSE I RANN!

And I’m glad I did. Cause’ then you and I would have been stuck on that boat for awhile. Like her two light skinned boyfriend/girlfriends. 

I know it sounds like I have commitment issues, but tbh she was way too controlling of a girlfriend to begin with. And I see why, but still...

I know it might take awhile before you actually find this.

But please know, my intention was to help you.

But at least I found out before its too late.

That I can't.

You can't save someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their environment. I can see you’re both hurting, but I have to let you both learn what's been going on on your own.                                  

Only you can break down the walls that your mind built yourself within.

That damn rabbit hole. I didn’t want you to fall in.

But I can see now that you already did.

And I accept that I’ve lost you. My best friend.

But you’ll come back when you are ready.

But I can't say that I’ll be the same person by the time you come back.

Because we always do.

I love them, and thats it, thats the end of it.

And I finally know its alright to feel peace

After I’ve already done all that I could.

What happened. Happened. And its up to me now to carry my own weight and pack my saddlebag for my next adventure

-✈️You’re looking at your new Flight Attendant. 

P.S. I’m earning my badges as I go. And Tumblr, I’m just venting while my therapist is on my vacation and I’m waiting to come out to my parents until I move to have a decent, stable home in New York or Connecticut somewhere...wherever...damn...imma be 25 next year wtf

[heatherrosebabcock]

“One day, we’ll share a drink to forget these times.”

A friend said this to me, three months into the Covid-19 pandemic. 2020 has been a year with all the grace of a chainsaw; a year that most of us would like to forget.

However during this bleak time of loss and lockdowns, when the days piled up like pizza coupons in a letterbox and every morning felt like getting ready for a trip to the airport, there was one bright light for me and that was the release of my debut historical novel Filthy Sugar. 

I’ve never been a “milestone” kind of person; my life missing the diplomas, weddings and babies that others use to bookmark their journeys. Filthy Sugar was to be my milestone: a tangible symbol of the twenty-plus years that I have spent working on my craft. 

Writers worry about everything and in the year leading up to the release of Filthy Sugar, I was no exception. I worried about the editing process - would I lose a favorite scene or character? - I worried about typos. I’ve always harbored an admittedly silly belief that if I worry about something long and hard enough then the worry won’t come true and everything will be okay. Well, the one thing I forgot to worry about was my book coming out during a world-wide pandemic.

Sorry, guys.

But Filthy Sugar did make its way into the world, thanks to my wonderful publisher Inanna Publications and amazing Editor-in-Chief Luciana Ricciutelli. 

Of course, it was launched very differently than expected; due to the circumstances, there would be no wine and cheese in-person party, no book signings, no library readings and no tour. This brick and mortar girl had to catch up with the times, PDQ. My dear friend Liz Worth hosted a virtual speakeasy for Filthy Sugar over Zoom, complete with a 1930′s inspired performance by Neil T. on the ukulele. It was a blast and I was delighted at how it felt like a “real” party - the bonus being that I didn’t have to take the subway home afterwards! Inanna also held a very successful and well attended virtual launch with myself and three other talented Inanna authors. Oh, and I finally upgraded my phone and joined Instagram, which I’ve found is a fun way to reach potential readers. Val Fullard’s gorgeous cover art for Filthy Sugar has inspired some lovely Instagram posts from readers!

Unless you’re a big name or have lots of media connections, book reviews are hard to come by. I am extremely thankful for the great reviews that Filthy Sugar has received from Hollywood Genes, TOpoet.ca, M.H. Callway, and The Historical Novel Society. Top Bookstagram account @bookalong also gave Filthy Sugar a glowing review. Cate McKim of Life With More Cowbell has been very supportive of my book, as has The South Etobicoke News.  The wonderful All Lit Up has shown Filthy Sugar much love, choosing it as one of the twelve books that made an impact on them in the past year. I thank everyone here for their support. 

Writing kept me calm during this pandemic: my essay on why I feel that Jean Harlow is an important feminist icon was published on the Inanna website and I kept up with my blog Meet Me at the Soda Fountain  where my post on 1930′s lingerie received the greatest number of views for me this year.

Thanks to my Editor-in-Chief, Luciana Ricciutelli, Filthy Sugar was nominated for a Goldie and was also made into an audiobook. 

Working on Filthy Sugar with Luciana was a wonderful experience: she was so kind, supportive and encouraging, as well as extremely patient with this first time author! She encouraged her authors to follow our dreams and to always dream bigger. Like so many in the Canlit community, I was heartbroken to hear of her passing on December 14th, 2020. Canlit has lost its brightest light. In an interview with Jocelyn Cullity in July, Luciana said:

“I would tell women writers to never give up - write every single day- and know that their voice is not just important, but indispensable in our struggle for a better world for all.”

Thank you Luciana.